The fourth day (12/1/2020) of our Road Trip from West Virginia to Meeker, Colorado to elk hunt, found us in Denver, which I had been quite looking forward to, having heard for years what a great city it was, with so many things to see and do, great restaurants, wineries, shops, and such… Well, “was” definitely- and sadly- was the right word, because Denver, today, is a ghost town. A ghost town with Attitude, no less- and not a good attitude. While the rest of Colorado was great, and open for business (Grand Junction, Meeker, Palisade, Colorado Springs, etc.), Denver turned out to be a major, and very expensive, disappointment. Had we known, I would have easily routed the trip differently and avoided Denver totally, and I strongly suggest that you do the same. The only nice thing about Denver was that we stayed at the lovely and elegant Hotel Teatro, a centrally-located boutique hotel in downtown Denver that I discovered on the Capital One credit card website when I went to book a hotel using the Points we had accrued. While their restaurant was closed, the staff was very nice and helpful, and if you Must go to Denver, we can recommend this hotel as the place to stay.
Because we’d heard while in Kansas that Denver had basically shut itself down again due to rampant Covidiocy, like NYC, deliberately and methodically destroying any chance the city has to recover economically, I called Hotel Teatro the morning of our arrival and explained to the concierge, that, as we only had one evening in Denver, we were hoping for some help finding a great place for dinner and some fun things to do that evening. The woman I spoke with was very nice and helpful, and she called me back with several suggestions for things to do, and for a fine restaurant for dinner that didn’t require a reservation. When we arrived and checked in, she had a list she’d made for us with several things to do, starting with the nearby Larimer Square Historic District, a Christmas Market where there was a winery, the “Mile High Christmas Tree” we’d seen online, and then dinner at the restaurant she had suggested, which she had called on our behalf, and which was providing dining on their outdoor, heated patio- but only until 8pm, when everything in Denver closed, as “after a few drinks people take off their masks and get stupid”. We bundled up warmly (Denver in December is icy cold), and off we went, but when we arrived at Larimer Square we immediately realized that something was Very Wrong: it was beautifully lit and delightfully decorated for the holidays… and totally deserted. We were, literally, the only people on the entire walking street, besides a frozen saxophone player playing to no one but us, and a few half-frozen employees at various stands, shivering as they attempted to serve cocktails in the wicked cold. The fancy shops selling $350 gloves and $890 alpaca vests were empty, and the restaurants were actually offering to serve meals outside in the freezing cold, as if that were normal. It was, to put it bluntly, pitiful and insane. But the worst was yet to come. The only two tourists on the entire street, we were repeatedly chastised and reprimanded by an assortment of patronizing and obnoxious half-frozen staff people for a variety of silliness: after I paid $16 for a cocktail (and a 22% COVID Tax!) at an outdoor stall for Russell’s Smokehouse, (and never received the Hot Cider that Dan had ordered), we made the fatal mistake, while waiting for that cider, of lighting cigarettes as we stood in the freezing cold near a non-working outdoor heater that bar staff were frantically trying to get lit- only to be threatened with a $1000 fine(!), as we were “standing too close” to some painting that was nowhere in sight, after which we were ordered to move away from the heater! Carrying my $16 paper cup cocktail, we then went across the road to the Farmer’s Market, where, again, we were the only customers, and where, as Dan ordered himself another cider (which he actually got this time), I shopped around, and asked about a wine tasting (stopped due to COVID, of course), but was all set to spend over $100 anyway on Colorado wines and foodie gifts, until I got lectured 3 times inside 5 minutes for trying to sip at my $16 paper-cup cocktail. Needless to add, we didn’t buy anything, and left post-haste. Passing on the “Christmas Market”, which we assumed would be more the sad same, we drove around deserted Denver, all lit up and devoid of people, trying to at least find- in vain- the famous “Mile High Tree”. We finally returned to our hotel, dressed for dinner, and went to the recommended restaurant, only to be told by the one employee- and not in a nice way- that he was alone, had no knowledge of any call from Hotel Teatro, only four people could be served on their outdoor patio, all the tables were taken, and we were out of luck. We then went back to Larimer Square and desperately attempted to get a table at a restaurant there- any restaurant (with functional outdoor heating) at all!- to no avail. Each restaurant could basically only serve 4 people- at tables outside in the freezing cold- and everything was taken- quite apparently by masochists. And not one staff person at one restaurant would even attempt to help us find a place to eat. As it was now after 7pm, and knowing that Denver closed up by 8pm, we returned to our hotel frozen, upset, and hungry, fully prepared to have to drive out on the highway to try to find fast-food takeout for dinner. After half a dozen calls to various restaurants where no one answered the phone, the hotel’s concierge managed to have an extremely overpriced take-out dinner delivered from the Jax seafood restaurant, and to try to salvage the evening we topped it off with a bottle of overpriced wine, dining in the hotel’s empty lobby (called “The Study”) by their fireplace… and expressing our gratitude, repeatedly, to the concierge, to stop him from lecturing me, yet again, on the importance of wearing masks, as the safety of his staff (he was alone…) was of paramount importance…
A friend described Denver to me as “a dusty city too hip for its own good”, and the only thing I would add to that statement are the words “freezing ghost town of a” before the word “dusty”. Given that no one is buying any of the overpriced luxury goods in the fancy boutiques, I have no clue how they are paying rent and staying open, and I suspect that unless Denver rapidly gets its act together and opens itself up to business and makes customers and tourists welcome, it will be a ghost town of boarded-up buildings by spring. Seriously: Don’t go to Denver at this time unless you absolutely have to.
Next: Wine & Fun in Colorado: Breckenridge & Grand Junction!
